There were a few disappointed faces last week.
Deadlines came and went, and predictions were nowhere to be seen.
There were threats of mug-removal and outbursts of anger directed at yours truly.
I tried to act blasé and thought I would be able to shrug it off, but when I saw the tears in little Alty’s eyes it really hit me hard.
It was then I decided that I would write the best damn predictions ever…


Admirable’s Division 1 Predictions

I soon got bored and wrote this bollocks instead.


Fold vs Team Russia

First up this week, the least active team in the division goes toe to toe with the least attractive most active. Game on :D

Even though it has been a whole two weeks since my last update nothing has changed at Fold Headquarters. Don’t be fooled by the re-addition of pantsu to the roster, he’s only there in case we are absolutely desperate, assuming he is not jacking off over Counter-Strike. On the plus side the Team Fold World of Warcraft, Call of Duty 4 and Team Fortress 2 Squads are going from strength to strength, unlike sherpa’s physique. Perhaps Fold are just trend setters, we’ve been inactive since Week 1 and now everyone else is trying to jump on the bandwagon! We are the innovators of pointlessness, often imitated, but never duplicated. At the end of the day Fold are equally as likely to dominate as to disappoint in this fixture.

Privet torvarish! Team Russia really took the battle to the current league leaders LOLSTEAMROLL in their last game. These guys are always good for an upset, with an Alien Round that is constantly underestimated by their rivals. There was some drama in the two weeks since then, although it was over so fast some of you might have missed it. Hot young talent, sMile, quit Team Russia and joined The Sproggalots, and within twenty four hours was back in the U.S.S.R.. Although details are unclear I can only assume this was some sort of espionage mission from the well-financed Russians. The architect of these clandestine operations, Gerhard “Macpersil” Klassen, has also found time to recruit some new talent from the Russian public scene; watch out for Prince_of_Darkness and marks`.

Impact players:
meh! : Naxu (Marine), Oetel (Baseguard), genZ (4th DC)
.ru : wex (Skulk), sone (Marine), Prince_of_Darkness (Downloaded skills)

Fold 2 - 2 Team Russia

Adz’ Final Thought: A conservative prediction? Guilty as charged. However, we all know it could go either way on the day.


Flatline-Ns vs LOL STEAMROLL

A epic clash in the upper echelons of Natural Selection that will decide who goes top of Division 1. It’s Germany versus Finland, and it’s coming to a HLTV near you this February!

The last time I saw Flatline-Ns play in the ENSL they were looking a little rough around the edges versus The Sproggalots. What should have been an exciting demonstration of top level play turned out to be an exercise in carelessness, enlivened only by the fact that they hoodwinked the disaffected Cosmic in to playing in an official match. The fact that a player who was suspended for two weeks played in a Week 2 fixture didn’t seem to bother anyone, but hey, I just work here. The Germanians have been sporadically active so far this season, and I think this let them down against the current champions. Since then I have seen them playing a few times and things are looking much better, not least due to the addition of Handschuh. His ability, activity levels and passion for the game make him a real asset to the German War Machine.

The clan formerly known as ?LOLSTEAMROLL? has lost a player since my last analysis two weeks ago. The excellent Kuitmo has disappeared from the line-up with whispers that he may have quit Natural Selection; but as we all know no one ever really quits (just ask Fana a.k.a. sprogga~Willa!). As the saying goes, when a door slams shut and a window opens; enter stage-right the sack master, Zakj. You know him from Saunamen and Destination Unknown; he’s a classy player with a singing voice that was made for Death Metal. Roster changes aside the Finns have been less active recently just like the rest of Division 1, which doesn’t bode well. The game against Team Russia showed how well they can play and also how reckless they can be. Unless they can get things shipshape the Germans will take advantage.

Impact players:
~flatline.ns ` : Handschuh (New blood), HiVeFiSh (Marine\Fade), Morvie (Almost as good as MAAAD)
?LOLSTEAMROLL? : NsN (Marine\Fade), Tane (Marine), Zakj (SACK’D)

Flatline-Ns 3 - 1 LOL STEAMROLL

Adz’ Final Thought: The Germans clinical playing style should come out on top against the often reckless Finns.


Insane vs The Sproggalots

Last on the agenda this week: The old-school froggery of Insane will be tested against the new-school ferocity of The Sproggalots. Who will win? Only I know of course!

A grand total of zero matches were played last week; one could be forgiven for thinking that the ENSL was dead. A bit of prodding and poking has revealed to me that a big chunk of Europe is off on holidays. Another theory being bandied about is that everyone despises Orbital! Insane fall into both categories; with several players on vacation and Mike’s legendary hatred of Orbital. Resultantly, I have not seen much from the French in terms of PCWs or official play. However, that pesky FlashNaabZ and the dastardly RioS remain thorns in my side on public servers. So there is some life in the old dog yet and I am hopeful they will return to activity before the season’s end. In their current state I find it hard to imagine them putting up a real challenge here, but chances are this game won’t be played until later…

Yes folks, even The Mighty Sproggalots have been bitten by the inactivity bug. Enigmatic and Scale must be off fannying around in Finland or something, because I ain’t seen ‘em! You know times are hard when you have to get terrible players like Admirable to merc for you. GibbZ and Tweadle tried to rectify this situation with the aforementioned sMile.ru deal, but the lure of Macpersil’s Oil Millions proved too much for the fresh faced Lativian. My deepthroat source within Sproggan Basecamp tells me that a legend may returning to the roster within the next few weeks; none other than AIDS victim Adam “Alty” Firth. Unfortunately the ginger gardener will not back in time for this fixture. However, there is little doubt in my mind that this match will pose a problem.

Impact players:
Insane : FlashNaabZ (Nibz), RioS (Late Night Ninja), Mike (Comm)
sprogga ~ : GibbZ (Marine\Fade), GreeN (Marine\Fade, Sheep (Marine\Lerk)

Insane 0 - 4 The Sproggalots

Adz’ Final Thought: The Sproggalots will win or I’ll eat my mug!


That’s your lot for another fortnight week ;)

Time to go out and get bladdered!